Get A Grip

I was at the laundromat today. Standing next to a couple of older ladies, I noticed neither one of them was wearing a wedding ring. Well, that's a lie really. One of them definitely did not have a ring, but the other one, I couldn't really get a good look at her hand without straining myself, so I opted not to. For a brief instant, a sheer panic came across me and I thought I may end up alone for the rest of my life. Me. Alone. For the rest of my life. Insane.

Beautiful Disaster

He drowns in his dreams. An exquisite extreme, I know.
He's as damned as he seems. More heaven than a heart could hold.
And if I tried to save him. My whole world could cave in.
Just ain't right. Lord, it just ain't right.
Oh and I don't know. I don't know what he's after. But he's so beautiful. Such a beautiful disaster.
If I could hold on. Through the tears and the laughter. Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster.
He's magic and myth. As strong as what I believe.
A tragedy with, more damage than a soul should see.
And do I try to change him. So hard not to blame him.
Hold me tight. Baby, hold me tight.
Oh and I don't know. I don't know what he's after. But he's so beautiful. Such a beautiful disaster.
If I could hold on, through the tears and the laughter. Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster.
I'm longing for love and the logical. But he's only happy hysterical.
I'm searching for some kind of miracle. Waiting so long. I've waited so long.
He's soft to the touch. But frayed at the ends he breaks.
He's never enough. But still he's more than I can take.
No, I don't know. I don't know what he's after. But he's so beautiful. Such a beautiful disaster.
If I could just hold on, through the tears and the laughter. Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster.

(Lyrics by:M.Wilder/R.Jordan)

Long Time Coming

Your light has faded and the music is too loud. The dance floor is too slippery for two steppin'. Thoughts all consuming are starting to make sense. Now is the time to rise above. Walking alone is sometimes better for the soul. This is one of those times. The puzzle pieces lay before my eyes and the riddles, all written by my own hand. Too bad you can't make out the words. No longer do I wish to spell it out for you. Take a moment. Check yourself. Let it go. Let you go.

The Renegade Master

Well, well, well. Long time, no see. Eh?!
Honestly, so much has taken place over the past few months, I don't believe a wash-over would do any part of it justice. Just the same, I'm not really about to go into dynamic detail. Bare with me while I decide how much I wish to divulge, would you?!

Lets see...Well, I am out of the bank and into the Commission. The Commission being the Toronto Transit Commission. I took and impressively passed the training to become a Bus Operator. I know. It still boggles my mind and I still get giddy butterflies every time I get ready for a new shift. I've been told that this feeling will, in no doubt, pass, but for now I'm relishing in the feeling of loving a new job. Not just any job though. This is my new career! That's a whole other topic unto it's self.

Carrying on. Right. So, new job. Check.
My apartment is still the same, with the same roommate and the same rent and garbage days.
My car is still at my parents place in Oshawa, collecting dust and cob webs and, of course, rust. (of course!) I still have not finished paying for all of my parking infractions from last year, and frankly, I don't give a shit! My insurance broker called me this afternoon, wanting to discuss my current arrangement with said vehicle. Remind me please to call him back. Anybody want a 1995 Salmon Hyundai Accent? As is for $500. It's a damn good car, but I want it to die.
Again, another complete and unrelated topic.

The boy....It's going on 7 months now...give or take. I'm not really sure that's a topic I care to get into right now, so I'm not going to. Just nod your head and be happy for me that I am not completely miserable in a relationship. I've been doing some thinking on this topic, however.

I miss training. I haven't been to class in a long, long time. At times I feel a tinge of emptiness within my soul and I know the cause. I say I will try to train more at home, but I never do. I am doing much better with my follow through these days. I'm actually surprising myself, so maybe it won't be too long before I actually do train more at home.

I miss my family. It's hard enough not having the use of my car to get up there whenever I want to, but now with my crazy hours, it's close to impossible.

I miss my friends.

I can make the adjustment. It's just going to take a little time and patience. Wish me luck.

It's nice to be back. I missed the smell of fresh cut grass in the morning.