At A Distance

And just like that, you're gone. No longer is the scent of lilacs, but the stench of lies. You were a beautiful disaster. Beautiful. And not a disaster at all.

Alone I am left
My thoughts all consuming
Hands shaking, eyes welling
Face streaked; pained; wet
No longer will I dream
That nightmare I do not want
Heart shredded into pulp
Once again

The only one to blame is the person staring back at me in the mirror.

Fate Is A Funny Thing

I did a double take when I saw your name in my inbox. I even sat back in my chair and hit the refresh icon, three times. So many memories flooded my brain. Butterflies. Firsts. Patience. Wow. I'm at a loss for words. You always did that to me. Nobody else ever could. I miss that. I've missed you. You were always so generous. Your praise. Your touch. Your love. The way your eyes sparkled when they squinted up with your sly smile. Damn sexy. Damn. Soft hands. Hmmm. How time brings about change. How interesting a time it is. How fascinating you picked this time to reach out to me. All these years. For now, I will cherish the written words we exchange. I long for the moment I hear your voice. See your face. Feel your breath. Your hair. Your hands. Soft hands. I close my eyes and see your face. Your laughing. You take my hand and lead me into the sunshine. The scent of lilacs drift along the breeze.

The Fight Within

I feel you, inside me, running around like you own the place. You don't own me. You're an unwanted guest who has over stayed their welcome. I thought I had gotten rid of you. Thought I had beaten you. Thought I had reclaimed what you had once taken. I was wrong. I was foolish to think it could be that easy. So now what? What's the next step? I'm all out of options. Just leave. You have left your mark, made your point. My stomach churns. My teeth are clenched. I'm stronger than this, than you, than your mess that once consumed me. I will breathe in the last whisper of your scent and walk away.

Beat 'Em or Join 'Em...

My eyes are stinging. I loathe this screen, this keyboard, the telephone and it's nonstop chattering. How did I end up in this place? This is not who I am. But I am here. Who am I then, if I have allowed myself to end up here. I guess it's about time I figured that shit out. Isn't it? Maybe not. Maybe I'll just go outside and sit in the sunshine for a while. I'll check my voicemail when I'm good and ready. Balls to this desk and the clutter I call my organized chaos. The beach is calling my name. Can you hear it? Listen. There. Right there. Yeah, that's it. I'm calling it a day and going to roll in the muck. Geese shit never felt so good between my toes. (that's really gross...maybe I'll wear my sandals...)

A Fingertip Away

There you are, standing just outside the spot light. All eyes on you. You love it. Who needs the sopt light anyway? Not you. You make your own light. It shines so bright it blinds me and I smile. I find myself laughing at nothing and you catch me. I look away but it's too late. You step closer. You're a fingertip away. I can smell your sweat, it's salty-sweet. Delicious.