To Be Fake

To be so blinded by the fakeness of that smile.
Learn the lesson. Take it that extra mile.
Emptiness behind those sparkley eyes.
Illusions, clever tricks. Not promises but lies.
Cold embraces covered by pretentious talk.
Alone is the path one must now walk.
An angel was with you, but you couldn't see.
The devil with wings, you turned out to be.
Miss the innocence of freedom and laughter.

time of your life.

How amazed was I when I gave you enough rope to hang yourself, only to see that you used that rope to hang me. That's fine. I've got tough skin. Tougher than you think. Tougher than you realize. I can be the bigger person and learn to let go. Holding grudges can take so much out of a person and frankly I don't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you were able to get under my skin. Lets chalk this up to "somethings just aren't meant to be" and leave it at that. I don't need, nor do I want your well wishes, your good intentions, your complete and utter bull shit. That's okay. This situation has helped me to open my eyes to some things about myself I thought I had lost, so for that, I thank you. For that, I will smile and laugh and continue on like no one is watching; especially you. I never did mind the little things.
So, another chapter starts as one more comes to a screeching halt. Who ever said life wasn't full of surprises? I hope you've had the time of your life.

Vacant

Emotions run rampant within
Shiver
Curious mind, unable to clutch thought
Tears
Twisted butterflies, scurrying in circles
Vacant
Nervous laughter, long elated silence
Terror
Goose bumps surface on flesh
Smirk
Hands held in anxious fear

contemplation sometimes hurts

Why does contemplation hurt sometimes? I sit here and wonder if I am where I am supposed to be in life, but then I wonder by who's standards am I comparing myself with? Really, in all fairness, each person has a different course, a unique path that they must take. Separate avenues from any other individual; different lessons, different mistakes, different opportunities. But yet I still ponder the possibility that I am not where I should be. I have no house, no family of my own, no stable (for lack of a better word) career, not even a pet. I do have a car, but I am not one who cares very much for material things. Am I happy? Sometimes. Okay, so lets go with that. For the moments I am happy, what am I doing or whom am I with? And for the moments I feel tortured with loneliness, why do I not take steps to do the things I know make me happy? I know I am not the only one who feels this way. So, why then, do so many of us remain entwined in the vicious cycle of self sabotage? It's really very foolish actually and I, right now, at this very moment, declare that I will no longer be a part of the merry-go-round. This carnival ride sucks and it makes me nauseous. With that being said, I am now deciding to take matters into my own hands, which is really how it should have been all along. I loathe my job, so no more will I think about how much it drives me crazy that I do nothing productive all day, instead, I will actively seek something else that helps contribute to my overall happiness. Second, the calmness and balance I find and receive within my training is unquestionably the only thing in this world that has kept me here. Because of that, I will no longer mind throwing my entire self into it. I have had many, many years of fun that has probably not been the healthiest for my body or mind, and as much as I enjoyed that time, I am now at a point where I need to focus on other things...but still dance like no one is watching. And that is exactly what I am going to do.

So Blue

Eyes so blue, they pierce through to my soul. Not even a blink. Honest control that has me mesmerised so severely I can hardly look away. The butterflies grab hold too tightly and I can no longer contain the smile that yearns to cover my face. Flushed. Rosy cheeks warm my skin. A touch so ginger, so light, so complex. My very being is rocked. Eyes so blue. So blue. Wow.