Ripple

The water lay still under the stormy skies above. A single ripple appeared as I lifted my toe from the edge of the sand. Soft particles arose from the shallow murk below. A fate unknown. A path already left behind. Twinkling stars cried out in shame. Torment grew nearer as uncertainty set in. Leaves already fallen from naked tress picked themselves up and danced a final show. Glory in the eyes of many. Sadness in the heart of one.

Line Free.

I'm freaking out. I go in for my colonoscopy in the morning. I'm pretty positive things will all be fine. I'm starving. Haven't really eaten much of anything in three days, not including today as I had to drink the prep stuff. I did some research on my "mass" situation and possible options I'm looking at to take care of it. It's becoming really overwhelming actually and the thought of having to have a hysterectomy at 30 is so awful and sad that all I do is cry when I think about it. I've looked into alternative approaches too and when I see my gynecologist/surgeon in a couple weeks, I'll express my need to pursue those approaches before I have anybody take away my chances to have my own children. There are just so many things going on around me at once that have little to do with me, and then things that have only to do with me, that I'm starting to feel suffocated and I'm not sure how much longer I can be pulled in a thousand different directions. I've been off work for almost two weeks and I'm feeling in desperate need of a vacation from the world I live in. I've lived in that foggy place before and I can not let myself revisit it. I've come too far. I'll cry it out and suck it up and will live through this life with clear vision.

October

I just got home from spending an interesting week in the Ajax Pickering Hospital. Imagine that for just a moment. An entire 4.75 days. What the hell am I doing in a hospital?! Well. Well. Turns out having the shits for three weeks is NOT, by any means, healthy. Strange thing is, that's not even why I made myself go. Excruciating pain will get me every time...who thinks they have a high pain threshold?? After a quick call to Telehealth Canada and a supportive and encouraging ride from a good friend, I was being poked and palpated on by numerous people, all with letters behind their names; all with more qualifications than myself. That was Sunday night. Today is FRIDAY.
I spent my time in the Emergency section of the hospital from my entry until Wednesday afternoon. It was jolly good fun! The best time was when I was put into isolation and locked in a "room" with a toilet, so as not to "contaminate" the other patients. All this going on while I still deny I'm sick. I just ate some bad cheese. Really bad cheese.
I crap in three cups, lose about a quart of blood and have a mini massage performed on my swollen and irritated stomach almost every half hour. Sounds like a good time, right?! Yeah, not so much.
I drink a tonne of water with some radioactive food colouring in it, sit pretty for a CT Scan and have the powers that be tell me I have a huge mass living just behind my uterus. Something all together different from my can't-stop-the-action-shitting. Nice.
They decide that I need to have my butt plugged (not really though) to cease my bowel movements and give me some drugs that don't work to ease my pain...and you thought Demerol, Morphine and Codeine would do it....
My turds (read mucous like liquids) come back negative from infectious disease control and I'm freed into the MATERNITY WARD!!!! I stayed there for the remainder of my time. As they are treating these two things separately, my shitting/abdominal pain and massive growth, I can understand why they put my into the "women's health" section of the hospital. But do you not find it very, very odd that I would go from "Bio hazardous" to "put her in with the new humans"?? Something just doesn't compute.
After much anticipation, I finally met the infamous probe doctor, Dr. Campbell. He's a lot like House. Cool. Interesting to listen to...especially when he's telling you about your ass hole.
I get to go to his office NEXT WEEK and get my anal probing. I'm so excited!!
As for the mass that seems to be taking over my insides...well, I was told to come back to see the gynecologist in three weeks. I'm making other arrangements with the first gynecologist that saw me at the hospital.
And how was your week?

No need to worry. I'm actually doing okay.