Pinnochio

Okay. So call me a liar. I didn't walk away. I sat by your side and didn't even make mention to the thoughts that had been swimming in my head. That's fine. Let them swim. Let them swim until their legs grow tired and they drown. Does it really make a difference? Nope. I can't say that it does. I still very much enjoy you and your company. Why give that up when I don't need to? I've decided instead to make my visits shorter. A little less frequent perhaps. That will be fine. That will be fine until this fizzles out on it's own. Then I won't be to blame. I'll just be that girl that was so amazing. Then one day just disappeared because people grow apart. People change. People grow up. I like that memory better.

That Way Gone

I'm walking away. My heart still intact. The ride has been fun, but now I want off and I'm not too sure how to tell you. So I'm not going to. I'm just going to fade into the distance and hope you don't notice for a while. It makes me sad. I am sad. I'm just no good at explanations. If I wrote you a letter to try and help you understand, it might be something like this. But probably not. You have a lot of potential. I'm just not ready for it. You're not the only one not ready to settle down. I don't know if I ever will be. Even if I can make it appear like that's all I'm after. I'm good at making you feel like you're the only one on the planet. I sometimes wish it could be so easy. And sometimes I believe it is. The truth is, I fear nothing more than commitment. Because in the end, it's all bullshit anyway. The only things that are true fact are death and taxes. The rest of life's little surprises have too many variables for me to handle. I want to find the potential in myself. The potential that used to be there. So strong. Like a light shining out through the clouds. It's too much work for me. And I feel like being lazy. Sad. Lazy. Both. My heart will break a little, but in the end, this is best for the both of us. I'll miss the span of your back. I'll miss the the feel of your lips. I'll miss the warmth you provide. Don't be angry. You'll be fine.

MSG = not a friend

MSG is not a friend. My body was asking me for a tasty dish from the place downstairs, "China Wok." You would think that I learned my lesson the last time I ate there. Apparently being consumed by salt once, wasn't enough for this broad. Nope. So, now, here I sit. Feeling as though my stomach, legs and arms could explode at any moment. Like a scene straight out of Monty Python's Meaning of Life. Although, that would definitely be hilarious. Not to have it happen to me, of course. Just to have it happen. You know, the scene where the big guy goes into the restaurant and eats everything on the menu. Then the server offers him one last dinner mint and, after much discussion, the guy finally takes it. Moments later, he's puking all over the place. Good old fashioned projectile vomiting. There's no other scene like it. Ever. Those Monty Python boys sure know how to make a guy puke his guts out. (my favourite part is when the guy barfs on the waitresses head as she's putting a bucket down for him. LOVE it!)
Yeah, so enough about that. That's how I'm feeling right about now. Toxic.
4 1/2 hours left to go. It won't come fast enough.
Maybe all I need is a good trip to the washroom to help rid me of this waste. I somehow feel that won't do me any good. I'll have to wait it out and let the wok nature take it's course. Wish me well in this quest.

Pickles in Bed

It's a nice feeling to see things change sometimes. When the change is something you want. Something you crave. Something you have been working on for months. Waiting in the shadows. Patience. Waiting so quietly, just beneath the radar. Radar can sometimes be your best friend. I want you addicted to me. As I am to you. Love me off. I'll fight calling you as much as I can and wait for the phone to ring. Then it does and my heart melts. Every time. Cover me in your kisses. Engulf me in your embrace. The sweetest dreams aren't even this good. Love you off. Moments stolen contstanly. Gaylord Faulker moments. Priceless and unforgettable at best.

I love pickles. Pickles in bed. Sharing them with you. Appetizers. Midnight snacks. Snacking. In bed with you.

Flamenco Dancing

My Mom gave me her old work lap top last week. I'm hoping my computer wizard friend Brian can perform some magician magic on it and have it granting my every wish in no time at all. Really, all I want is to be able to use Word, Excel, my music and access the net so I can post whenever the hell I want to...when I'm home.

There has been lots going on. I'm doing well. I think I may be falling... Shut your mouth. There will be none of that kind of chatter right now. Things are good and I am content. The TTC front is looking damn promising and things with the boy couldn't get any better. Really. Work is work and that's really all I can say about that. Well, it's all I care to say about that. I've been lucky in this life. I'm not blind to that. I was shining the horse shoes up my ass just the other day. I love the shine of brass and the bitter scent of polish in the morning. You think I'm kidding. I wasn't born year of the Dragon by coincidence people. I am a Dragon through and through. You like my flames, eh?! Yeah. Me too. They're a pretty cool feature.

Right now I'm trying to focus on one thing and, well, obviously it's not working out in my favour too well. Better luck next time. Have you ever noticed how loud a second hand can be?