Stomach-ass Anyone?

Hi there. It's been a while. I was thinking I would start this up again, in hopes of regaining some of the sanity I have lost from having a child. Wish me luck.

So, I have a stomach-ass. A what?! A stomach-ass. Stomach Ass. That's right. An ass in place of my stomach. How, you might ask? Well, it has come about from having a child via c-section, then having an 8lbs tumor removed from the same area three weeks later. A nice little slice and dice of my abdominal. You know, I think I might have recovered from the first incision, regardless of it being vertically, but to try and regain my semi six-pack after being sawed open a second time, has proven to be a true test.
I vividly recall watching the doctors remove the bandage from my abdomen and me asking where my belly button was. Seriously. My belly button was a perfect slit before I went in for surgery. Now, it wasn't even there. Nope. Gone. Think about that. Can you see it? You have no belly button. In place of my one piece of perfection, was a zipper of staples starting from an inch above my old belly button to an inch and a half below my short and curlys. Crazy. So long for ever thinking I could get into a bikini again. Oh well.
It's been about 9 months since surgery and as much as I try to get my old body back, I am not only left with the disturbing hanging skin from pregnancy (carrying around a healthy 7.4lbs baby plus the tumor), I have an interesting split right down my centre. I used to enjoy making my sister laugh by slapping it and referring to it as my stomach ass. The novelty has since worn thin. I have contemplated having a tummy-tuck, but after much consideration, I realized I would leave that operation, not only with less skin, but a perfect new scar. A scar that would very much resemble an arrow. An arrow pointing right down to my sort and curlys. Fabulous. As hilarious as that does seem, I can't do it. No amount of Bio-Oil would relieve that.
So, I am left to wonder what else I can do to rid myself of this eyesore. Diet and exercise is not enough. Surgery is not an option. I know it's not the end of the world and I should be thankful... blah, blah, blah. Yes, it is vain, but you might think the same way I am thinking if you had a stomach-ass of your own to hide the world from. It's not a pretty site. For a while it appeared I had two belly buttons, sort of speak. My original belly button started to resurface after a few months, while the new belly button (the point where the incision started) was and is still very predominant. Maybe I can get into a circus freak show act now? Hmmm. Extra cash is always good.

Cheers.