Line Free.

I'm freaking out. I go in for my colonoscopy in the morning. I'm pretty positive things will all be fine. I'm starving. Haven't really eaten much of anything in three days, not including today as I had to drink the prep stuff. I did some research on my "mass" situation and possible options I'm looking at to take care of it. It's becoming really overwhelming actually and the thought of having to have a hysterectomy at 30 is so awful and sad that all I do is cry when I think about it. I've looked into alternative approaches too and when I see my gynecologist/surgeon in a couple weeks, I'll express my need to pursue those approaches before I have anybody take away my chances to have my own children. There are just so many things going on around me at once that have little to do with me, and then things that have only to do with me, that I'm starting to feel suffocated and I'm not sure how much longer I can be pulled in a thousand different directions. I've been off work for almost two weeks and I'm feeling in desperate need of a vacation from the world I live in. I've lived in that foggy place before and I can not let myself revisit it. I've come too far. I'll cry it out and suck it up and will live through this life with clear vision.