Legs Like Stojko

Okay, so here's the thing; I have big legs. I mean, I have really, big legs. I have always had them. Always. My niece, bless her little heart, has them too. It's not really a curse, as they consist of mostly muscle, however they can be down right annoying when it comes to buying pants that fit. No, I can not wear shorts either. Yes, I am aware that your legs will touch when there is muscle. No, I do not like the way shorts rise up to your crotch when your legs are too big and make the fabric gather. It bothers me. It bothers me on myself. It bothers me on other people.
It's aggravating to go into a clothing store and have to try on pants, jeans mostly, that are massive in the waist, just to fit over my legs. Aggravating. You know, I don't think that is really a strong enough word. Infuriating. Yes, I think that is a better fit. Unlike the jeans I try on in disgust, over and over again. Standing in the dressing room thinking "why don't you freakin fit? you know you want to fit. you know you should fit." Then I yank on the belt loops so hard, trying to get the crotch of the pants to my crotch. Never much luck with that. You might think my hips would be the culprit, but they are not. It's the inner thigh. I'm beginning to think Lipo, although I'm not sure how much help that could be as they would refuse to suck out the muscle. Bastards.
The worst part, no matter how much weight I lose, regain, lose and regain, my legs will always remain the biggest part of me. Always. It also depends on the day how big my legs will be. Depends on the day whether or not I will be able to wear the new dress pants I got last week to work. They fit nicely when I tried them on at the store. They fit nicely still when I tried them on again once I got them home. However, they did not fit nicely when I tried to wear them to work three days later. Sausage casing comes to mind.
What's that? Yes, my jeans did fit me fine before I trained this morning. You're right. And now that I have had my work out for over an hour, yes, that's right, the muscle has swollen, and no, the pants are not wanting to fit anymore. Would you mind terribly if I just sat around in my gi pants until the swelling goes down? Say about three hours? Thanks, that's swell.
Sausage casing. The main, if not only reason, people with big legs should never wear jeans with Lycra in them. That's just my opinion, but regardless of what you may think, I am totally, completely 100% right on this. Yes, I do understand that 98% of the jeans manufactured these days contain Lycra. Yes, I also understand that by adding the Lycra to the cotton it helps to elongate the longevity of the jean. Honestly, who cares about that? I love watching my jeans fade out and tear...on their own. No, I will not spend $80 on those jeans that have been torn up for me by the designer. Stupid. No, I do not want to try on those jeans that are on special, that may look fabulous on your skinny legs, as I already know that I will look like I have stuffed myself into a sausage casing...and we have already been through that.
There are only a few stores that carry 100% cotton jeans now. It's depressing really, especially since the one pair of jeans I truly love and enjoy wearing, are no longer in production. I have had that happen with my last three pairs of favourite jeans. Yes, please cry for me Argentina. Cry like a pansy boy who has had his biked ripped from his hands by his older bastard of a brother. It deserves to have tears shed it it's honor.
I love rants. Especially when they veer drastically of course and the message gets lost completely. Yeah hoo for the rant!!!
My legs today thought they could get away with wearing the new dress pants. Wrong. Sausage is in full effect. On the brighter side...as there is always a brighter side...my ass looks fabulous. Of course it does. You may notice that people with big, strong, muscular legs have great butts. Squats and lunges people. Squats and lunges. Until you realize that you're one of the "lucky ones" that can build mass in your quads quicker than Elvis Stojko can fly over the podium with his gold medal in his pearly whites. Nice visual eh?! I liked it too.